5th Sunday of Ordinary Time 2023

The Harvard Happiness Study is the oldest medical study in history. It began in 1938 when Harvard psychologists selected fifty incoming Harvard freshmen and fifty young men from less advantaged neighborhoods in the Boston area for a study to determine what makes for a happy life. Harvard psychologists have tracked these men and their offspring ever since. Most of the original study participants are deceased, but their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are now part of it. While the original study subjects were all men, now women comprise more than half of the participants. 

Last month the study’s directors released an updated report on their research. They report the key to happiness is, of course, self-care. Participants who lived a healthy lifestyle were the happiest. The second most crucial factor was good interpersonal relationships. Those participants with good connections with other people led the most satisfying lives. The study reports that when we have good relationships, stress is relieved, and life is more enjoyable.

The importance of good relationships is obvious to advertisers. There is a silly State Farm Insurance commercial that proves the point. It begins with the commentator explaining how advertisers like to use depictions of young people having fun to sell products. In the background is a group of twenty-somethings at a pool party. The commercial has a grey background, and the party seems to be lagging until someone brings out the company’s "name your own price" tool. That transforms the party from dull to exciting. When you watch TV tonight, notice how advertisers use our desire for good relationships to convince us their product will do that for us.

The quality of relationships has been a concern for a long time but became acute during the COVID pandemic. Lockdowns, isolation, the need for social distancing, and mask-wearing have all adversely affected our relationships. Demands for psychological services have exploded as people feel the ill effects of neglecting relationships and interaction with others. 

Even before COVID, we were experiencing an alienation epidemic. Studies have shown that one-quarter of Americans say they do not have another person they can confide in and have no one to share their innermost thoughts and concerns with. It isn’t easy to admit to being lonely, and it can be embarrassing to say we feel alone in the world. While the dictionary might define loneliness as being without company, we all know we can feel lonely even in a great crowd. We can be part of a loving family, have a good marriage and friendships, and be successful in our career with people seeking us out and still feel lonely.  

Sometimes it feels good to be alone and get away from others. Getting in the car and driving after a long, intense meeting feels good, and an empty house can feel wonderful after house guests finally leave. When everyone else is in bed, sitting in a favorite chair and embracing being alone in the quiet feels good. 

Loneliness comes from feeling isolated and misunderstood. It is painful and can cause us to develop self-defeating behaviors like artificial busyness. To mask our loneliness, we embrace many activities because they make us feel important and cover up our loneliness. We can hold on to abusive and destructive relationships if we feel lonely. We can try to fill our loneliness by acquiring stuff. We believe we are more acceptable if we have the right clothes, car, or kitchen countertops. Loneliness can cause us to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, or food. We can become filled with anger and despair.

Loneliness and alienation were not part of God’s plan for us. The Book of Genesis tells us God saw it was not good for the man to be alone and set about creating him a suitable partner. Loneliness and alienation resulted from Original Sin, which led our first parents to a threefold experience of alienation. It caused alienation from others. After the fall, Adam and Eve experienced conflict in their marriage as they blamed each other for their disobedience. They developed alienation from themselves as they discovered their nakedness and experienced feelings of shame. Our first parents became alienated from God as they tried to hide from God because of their disobedience.

Since the fall of our first parents, God has been trying to restore His relationship with us. It started with the first covenant with Abraham and came down through the centuries until God sacrificed the Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross to restore our relationship with God and overcome our feelings of alienation. 

In today’s first reading, God wanted to help the Israelites overcome feelings of alienation and loneliness. The setting for the passage is from Third Isaiah when the people have returned to Jerusalem after generations in exile. The people found the process of rebuilding the nation difficult. They prayed and fasted, but things didn’t seem to improve. They asked Isaiah if they should be fasting even more, and he tells them no. God doesn’t want them to fast or pray more but to enter into relationships with the poor and needy. Isaiah tells them that they will develop new and worthwhile relationships if they work on satisfying the needs of the hungry, homeless, and abandoned. 

In the reading from Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, he tells them his coming to them wasn’t to wow them with his eloquence and intellect. He visited them to help them develop the same relationship he had with Jesus. Paul came and shared how a relationship with Jesus transformed Paul’s life. A relationship with Jesus caused Paul to endure great hardships because he wanted others to experience the same thing.  

The excerpt from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, which was today’s Gospel, is also about relationships. Jesus is telling His new followers He is calling them to a relationship with Him. A relationship where they have to imitate Him by being salt or adding flavor to the world and being a bright light that casts out darkness. He is inviting them into a relationship where they can feel comfort from God, overcome feelings of alienation, and help others to do the same.  

One of the best ways to overcome our feelings of loneliness and alienation is to help others. So many of us who have volunteered our gifts of time, talent, and treasure know we got more out of the experience than we put in. We have found new friends and gained a sense of self-worth we didn’t have before. The parish offers many opportunities to reach out to those in need. We have the St.Vincent de Paul Society, Bereavement Ministry, Children’s Liturgy of the Word, Pro-Life activities, and our new Hospitality Ministry. We could have even more if people were willing to participate. If you have an idea or were involved in groups and ministries in another parish, share your ideas, and we’ll get started. 

Sharing your time, talent, and treasure need not be limited to parish activities. Parish members are involved in Habitat for Humanity, The Chatham Children’s Fund, Samaritans, and other organizations. New relationships bring us joy, so we need to let ourselves be a little vulnerable, take the risk and work to establish them. We need to work on our old relationships too. Sometimes I feel that I’m the one who keeps many of my relationships going. I’m the one who makes the phone calls and plans the get-togethers, but after the fact, I feel renewed. If you have neglected relationships, don’t be bashful about restoring them. If you feel unsure about the timing of a telephone call, compose an email or send a card. Most people are anxious to renew old relationships. 

Many people feel alienated from the Church because of marriage problems, their lifestyle, or hurt feelings. The COVID pandemic has caused many people to get out of the habit of coming to Mass. Helping them renew their relationship with the Body of Christ is critical. Early in his pontificate, Pope Francis encouraged us to think of the Church as a field hospital for those who feel alienated and alone.  

Over the last several years, we have been working to make Holy Redeemer a welcoming field hospital for the alienated. We have tried to make our worship not just an obligation to get over with and out of the way but one that lifts our souls. We are renovating our church building so it can be welcoming to everyone who wants to develop their relationship with Jesus. This week how can you work to strengthen your relationships so they make your life happier? How will you work to make your relationship with Jesus- the most important relationship you have- stronger, so you can lead a happy life?