5th Sunday of Lent (2024)

Today, we close out the Lenten series of homilies that Deacon Art and I have called “No Offense.” A number of people have told us they have found them very helpful. It’s always nice to get positive feedback or, in this case, glowing praise from parishioners. A couple of weeks ago, I said everyone needs constructive feedback, and we can’t be offended by it. If you have some reactions you want to share, I’ll try to be open to them. If it is detailed, maybe trying to share it as you’re going out the door after Mass might not be the best time. As I mentioned in my homily, I try reserving some time on Monday afternoons for office hours to meet parishioners. If you want to speak with me, you might want to call ahead. I don’t have that many people coming, so I often do other things rather than wait for visitors.

A new parishioner did take me up on my offer after that homily. They called me, and we had a lovely talk. They weren’t being critical but took the time to introduce themselves and talk over a few issues. They said that they had never heard of a priest doing that before.

The foundation of this homily series is based on three facts about offenses. First, they are inevitable. Every day, we confront incidents that can cause us to feel offended. Someone uses a tone in their voice or writing, or their choice of words or body language can put us on the defensive, and we take offense. They comment on our education, clothes, grooming, weight, or origins, and we take offense even if they didn’t intend it.

Another thing about offenses is they are a trap. They are bait to steal away our pleasure and joy in life. They try to make us self-centered and to feel entitled. They are out to damage our relationships.

The third truth about offenses is that we can choose how to handle them. Since they are so common, we can prepare for them and plan on how to confront them in a healthy way. I recently celebrated a funeral Mass in one of my former parishes. The deceased was the mother of a large family. After communion, one of the granddaughters, a young high school student, gave a eulogy. The young lady thanked many family and friends who had helped care for her grandmother in her last days.

As I was greeting people on their way out of the church, one of the daughters approached with a scowl and said, “Well, I guess I didn’t rate a mention in the eulogy.” And people wonder why the Church strongly discourages them at funeral masses. They are an offense trap. They are delivered at a very emotional time. Even in the best of times, never mind a funeral, it is difficult to remember to show appreciation to someone who expects it. I’m sure the young lady didn’t intend to slight her aunt. Unfortunately, the aunt hadn’t prepared herself for the possibility of suffering offense. She didn’t consider her niece’s inexperience and emotions when it occurred. She must not have offered her input in preparing the eulogy. We need to prepare ourselves for the possibility of being offended so we can handle them in a healthy way so they don’t enter our hearts and damage meaningful relationships.

Deacon Art has an insightful observation. “If you want someone to get mad at you, just ask them to forgive.” Despite that, last week, he talked about the need to forgive those we feel have offended or slighted us. Forgiveness isn’t claiming that we are wrong to feel hurt by another. It isn’t saying they didn’t cause us to feel injured. Forgiveness is canceling a debt owed because it won’t get repaid and weighs on our hearts. Forgiveness is recognizing the injury is hurting us more than the offender and is unhealthy for our relationship.

Today, I want to speak about how to become un-offend-able. We have all experienced cleaning out a cluttered garage, junk drawer, or email box. We feel a great sense of accomplishment when we are done. We resolve to keep it that way, but how do we avoid falling into the trap of offense again?

We can get some direction if we reflect on today’s first reading from the Book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah was a prophet at a time of crisis in the history of the Jewish people. God made a covenant with the Chosen People while they wandered in the desert under Moses’ leadership. God intended to rule over the people, so he shared the Ten Commandments and the Mosaic Law to guide them. The people were unfaithful to God and the Covenant and refused to allow God to rule them.

Jeremiah was preaching to the people at a time of attack. He warned against resisting the attackers through alliances with other nations. Jeremiah wanted the Jews to place their trust in God’s protection. The king refused and entered agreements with foreign powers rather than God. As a result, the Babylonians conquered Jerusalem, destroyed the city, and took many people into exile. Exile is living in a place not intended for us. It is a strange and unfamiliar location with different traditions, and we are uncomfortable there. Those in authority prevent us from going home. Foreigners now control the place we call home. When we are living in our offenses, we are living in exile. Our hearts are hurting.

In today’s reading, Jeremiah tells the people that God is up to something new, even while they are in exile. Despite their tough times, God has a new plan. God engraved the old Covenant on stone tablets, but God is formulating a new agreement written on His people’s hearts. It won’t be external but internal. The new Covenant will be one that will feel very personal and warm.

God‘s new Covenant will be one where God’s people will allow Him into their hearts, and they will respect, honor, and submit to God’s governing and guiding their lives. This relationship with God will help them feel liberated and cause them to act that way.

We are getting closer to Holy Week and the Easter Triduum when we recall how Jesus’ Passion, Death, and Resurrection established this new Covenant with God. Jesus did the will of the Father and took up the cross to die for our sins. If we allow ourselves to be faithful to God by doing God’s will for us, we don’t have to live in exile. We don’t need to feel trapped by our offenses and sins. If we accept a relationship with Jesus, we will be invited to a new life and not have to live like outsiders but as genuine members of the Body of Christ. This new life is not living in the offenses of the past but as liberated and free children of God. We will allow God to write God’s covenant on our hearts. 

There are five things we can do to give our hearts to God. One is to humble ourselves. When we practice humility, we form a shield that helps make us un-offendable. We become like the grain of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, as Jesus speaks of in today’s gospel. Humility is dying to self. It is recognizing that life isn’t all about me. Feeling pride and entitlement are conducive to increasing the likelihood of suffering offense. When we put them aside, we become more immune to offense. Humble people don’t live always looking for repayment or expecting to get what they deserve, so they don’t suffer offense. Humble people don’t feel surprised or offended when they don’t get what they want. Unrealistic expectations don’t control their lives.

It is a sign God rules our hearts when we expect offense to come our way. We are on the lookout for them and have our guard up, preventing offense from touching us. We are like football players watching game films of their opponents to anticipate what plays to defend against. We expect to be frightened while viewing a horror film. In similar situations, we know to expect offense, so we are ready for them. We remember feeling offended is inevitable, so we prepare ourselves for them to come our way.

Adjusting our expectations also helps us open ourselves to God’s direction in our hearts. We are less likely to take offense when we cut our expectations of others down to size. Unrealistic expectations are a breeding ground for offense. Believing people will suddenly change their behavior is a false hope. A friend who never takes the initiative in your relationship isn’t going to do it suddenly. It is like going to a dry well with the ridiculous hope of finding water. Secretly hoping for something to come about and silently resenting life when it doesn’t happen is silly. We need to reveal our expectations of others to them or forget about them.

Recognizing what triggers our resentments and feelings of offense is essential. Know your triggers. Are they comments about your competency, character, background, or politics? What are they? Steer away from these topics. It is useless to open yourself to being hurt.

Produce an inventory of your offenses. The tinier and the more subtle the offense, the more dangerous it is. To turn our hearts to God’s rule, we must look deep to uncover even some of our forgotten offenses. I don’t intend this to mean we re-examine our past to reopen healed wounds. I mean, we need to examine instances where we have swept offense aside but not thoroughly cleaned them out of our lives. We allow them to lurk in the corners of our hearts where they can emerge and damage our relationships.

Holy Week is coming and presents an excellent time to find a quiet spot for prayer and silence. It is a spot to examine our souls and cleanse them from the slights and offenses we hold that get in the way of opening ourselves to God’s love. Plan now to set aside some quality time for reflection with God as we prepare for Easter.

You might recognize the anagram HEART formed by the first letters of humble, expect, adjust, recognize, and take inventory. God wants a relationship with each of us where God can place God’s law in our hearts. God wants to put it there so we can be the liberated and free people God intended us to be. God wants us to be free from offense and entirely un-offend-able. So we can be God’s people, and God can be our God.